Let's radiate

Okay, so I caved.

We're reaching a point where the other procedures and pain meds -- though they do help a whole lot -- cannot sufficiently keep up with the increasing bone pain. He's not as comfy as I would like him to be, at this stage of the unforgiving disease.

Scheduled him for radiation at the nearest center, at New England Veterinary Oncology Group (NEVOG) in Waltham, MA. Very highly recommended facility in the canine cancer community, two hour drive from where I live. Two weeks ago, I said that I wouldn't, for fear of radiation dermatitis, anxiety over more vet visits, more cons than pros, etc. Fast forward two weeks later, and I see that the limp is here to stay. No more limp-free days, no more denying. He starts to run after his brother in glee, then realizes it hurts and trots back to cower behind me. As if the cancer pain is some visible, physical entity in front of us that I can protect him from. Next to the horror of seeing pain in his eyes, that feeling of helplessness, as my pup leans against me for emotional comfort, is a close second.

The fact that he tries to run attests to his spirit. But, while the cancer whittles away at his bone, the pain whittles away at his spirit. I can accept the physical deterioration that will come with time, but I have to keep fighting with him, as he still wants to fight now. His tail and butt are still wagging and he still rolls around in the snow! And, he greeted me excitedly this morning as I awoke! Ah, the simple pleasures in life. :)

Amputation for improving the quality of life, even if it won't cure the cancer, is the gold standard. Fur-parents of 3-legged-beauties all tell me they have never regretted their decision, as it gave them their pups back, who, unlike humans, aren't socially or emotionally scarred by the procedure. They readjust their stance, and then move on quickly -- literally and figuratively -- never looking back. Boy, can we ever learn from them! One nice lady whose dog lived for only two weeks post-amp said that she would do it all over again, as those last two weeks were blissfully pain-free. Certainly, a wonderful memory to have. Also viewed their happy videos of amputee doggies playing fetch and running fast as cold, hard evidence. Would amputate in a heartbeat, if Brian was a candidate. Alas, he is not, due to the metastasis to other bones. And short of chopping the miserable right front leg off, radiation is the next best thing.

I love the BCD board. Another member sent me an email and threw me a lifeline:

"I just wanted to throw my two cents here - for what it's worth. I know how you feel. When __ was diagnosed, we were not able to amputate because she had lung mets. I started off with just pain medication, but as soon as we went to the oncologist I changed my whole plan. The radiation was a miracle for us. Of course it did not cure her cancer, but it did give me months more of time with her -- pain free months that I will always be grateful for. The first radiation therapy session honestly didn't show much improvement. So we tried one more and after the second one she was walking without a limp! I couldn't believe it. In all, she had 4 treatments. If you want to know more about it, please email me and we can talk further."

Definitely feeling more confident about our next step!

Fortunately, radiation, unlike most of our unexpected expenditures thus far, is covered by his slimeball of a pet insurance. But wouldn't hesitate one bit if it wasn't. (I can almost hear Suze Orman saying "Shame on you!")