Valentine Nightmare

Seizures. Big ones. I have never seen this kind of thing before. Horror of horrors!

Since this is a "medical journal", first and foremost, I am obligated to document the frequency:

02/15/09, Sunday - 3am, lasted around 1 minute
02/16/09, Monday - 1:21-1:24am

He did snap out of it both times. Came out of it confused and energetic. He was looking for us, looking for reassurance afterwards. Later on I find out that epilepsy is not that uncommon in canines, his possibly being a) totally unrelated to the cancer, b) unrelated but triggered by the cancer, or c) a result of brain metastasis. Well, I'm not going to lie. It's probably c). We won't know for sure, and we won't go through crazy, expensive MRIs or CAT Scans just to satisfy our curiosity. The idea now is to address the primary cause, whatever it is, and hope that it will consequently address the symptoms. May it be brain metastasis or unrelated epilepsy.

He had his lymph node biopsy and bone marrow aspirate scheduled for Monday. Seizures greatly complicate things. Is he still a candidate for surgery, still able to go through general anesthesia? We're caught between a rock and hard place here - damned if we do, damned if we don't. I mention the "E" word to everyone, making sure it was clear that we wanted what was best for him, if all the vets decided so. Mark even took the day off, something he never does, in preparation for the worst.

Visited and consulted with the regular vet Monday morning. He bounded in and pulled on his leash, of course, as if nothing happened the nights before. I'm such a regular now, that she doesn't even charge me for the consultation! Bless her heart. She discusses the new situation with the surgeon vet, and they say including valium in the anesthetic mix will make it safe.

02/16/09, Monday - 10:51-10:54am

We get back from the vet visit, and he has yet another one. By this time, I am on emotionless/efficiency mode, noticing the onset or "pre-ictus" signs, making sure he has a soft bed to convulse on, holds him steady on his side, talks to him while it is happening, looking into his lifeless eyes, comforts him as he regains consciousness. Having sensed from the vet visit that these seizures were non-life threatening, I hope for the best, lay several blankets and dog beds down for cushioning, and head for work. I am guilt-ridden for having missed so many work days already, and today was the busiest day of the week (group meeting day!) Vets say surgery can proceed tomorrow. Everything is okay, right? Off to work.

A decision I will regret later on.

When I get back at 7pm, only one dog greets me by the door. Big concern, first time this has happened in Brian's two years on earth. Then, I see him standing up in the middle of the living room, completely disoriented. He does not recognize me, is almost terrified of me, then urinates. These are clear signs that he just came out of one. From the saliva stains on the floor, it looks like he had at least 6, throughout the day. I felt so bad for abandoning him on possibly the worst day of his life. I wait for hubby to get home.

02/16/09 - 7:10pm, twitching of the lips
-8:00pm, lasts around 5 minutes
-8:55-9:01pm
-9:38pm, while I was on the phone with the on-call oncologist at NEVOG

On-call onco at NEVOG says once the dog has one seizure, it sets off more. And that the cycle has to be broken with anti-convulsive medication, now. So, off we were to the Animal ER at Rocky Hill. They keep him from 10pm to 7am, and he has 3 more seizures, all successfully halted by intravenous Valium. They usually like to keep seizuring dogs overnight, for observation. We picked up one sleepy dog at 7:30am, that's for sure.

While all of this was happening, I was truly convinced this was the sign we needed. That Bri was telling us it was time. But all the vets (ER+regular+onco+surgeon) tried to get it under control, did get it under control for now, and all wanted to give him a chance with addressing the primary cancer. Their philosophy is, by addressing the primary cause, any other side symptom (including brain tumors, or epilepsy, or whatever this is) should be kept at bay. I kept asking, isn't this a lost cause? I almost felt embarrassed that I, his own fur-mother, was the one secretly giving up on him, while all these medical professionals had a sliver of hope for giving him the quality of life in his remaining time.

If you had asked me 6 months ago if I would push this far, I would've responded with a resounding "No way". But you never really know how you're going to react, unless you're faced with the decision, right then and there. There is still one stone left unturned. I just don't want to have any regrets for not having tried our best to fight with him.

Needless to say, he remained seizure-free all day today, peaceful and compliant while drugged up on Valium. Racked up some serious miles on the car: Went to W.Hartford, CT for his scheduled biopsy, only to decide in the lobby that he was too beat up from the seizures to undergo surgery. Surgeon vet talks to the head honchos at NEVOG, and sent us there to proceed with anti-convulsive + chemo treatments. An unexpected 1.5 hour drive one way, but hey, we've got our momentum going. We basically bypass the biopsy and just start the chemo right away, under the assumption that it is lymphoma.

(Side note: Bri pees on his daddy while snuggling together in the backseat, having been duly hydrated by his IV drip all night but too drugged up to think of where/how to pee! Totally funny... to me, at least)

Onco vet there said he put up a fight when they tried to stick a needle in him, which is good! Alert is good! Bri gets to stay there for two nights, while they observe him post-chemo. We sign a "Do not resuscitate" form, in the event of tumor lysis complications.

Nighty night Bri, enjoy the round-the-clock lovin' from the nurses...